A woman who was repeatedly sexually abused as a girl by her father when she was growing up has shared her story and urged other victims to ‘find the courage to speak out and take control back from abusers’.
The woman, who does not wish to be named, has detailed her suffering as part of Sexual Abuse & Sexual Violence Awareness Week, which runs from February 7th-13th and aims to provide a platform to help survivors speak out, whilst shining a spotlight on support services available.
Now aged 52 the Gloucestershire-based woman was recently awarded a five-figure damages payment from the Criminal Injuries Compensation Authority (CICA) following representation by Hudgell Solicitors, having been sexually abused by her father, between the ages of 9 and 17.
It was almost 30 years before she felt able to speak about what happened, reporting the abuse to the police when she was 44. She says speaking out has finally given her some form of control, and says it is something she wishes she’d felt able to do at an earlier stage in her life.
“As a victim of sexual abuse I know how difficult it is to say what has happened to you and to speak openly about it, but I also know that if you don’t, it just eats away at you every day and won’t go away until you open up and get help,” she said.
“What my father did to me has impacted every aspect of my life and I wish I had acted and found support earlier. Perhaps for me, when I was 17, the world wasn’t quite as ready to be as understanding and supportive as perhaps it is now. In those days you kept things quiet. Hopefully the world has now changed.
“Certainly I wish I’d felt more able to speak out earlier, as since I did I’ve felt like I have managed to wrestle some control back from him. Once you find the courage to speak out an abuser knows you’re no longer going to hide what they have done, they feel threatened and exposed. All of a sudden you take some control back and they have to look over their shoulders, not you.”
Damages claim successful despite no prosecution of offender
Despite not having enough evidence to bring a criminal prosecution almost three decades after the crimes, the CICA, which follows a different standard of proof to criminal courts, decided there was enough evidence to suggest the woman had suffered the alleged sexual abuse.
“It was never about compensation for me. It was about validation and somebody, or some authority, recognising what had happened to me. That’s what I have gained from speaking out,” the woman said.
“My father may not have been prosecuted, but he knows I am no longer that little girl who he could tell that everything was ok and normal. He paid me to not say things to my step-mother as I was growing up, and because I was a child I thought he was being nice to me, not realising he was grooming me.
“Now he knows I’m not prepared to suffer. It’s not ok, and he’s the one looking over his shoulder now because I could come for him again if I find a way of securing more evidence.”
Now a mother to a teenage boy, the woman says trying to cope alone with what had happened to her for so many years had a huge impact on her life. She has suffered from anxiety and depression, and had an eating disorder for the majority of her life.
“You suffer in many ways. I developed an eating disorder when I was 15 and I would literally starve myself,” she said. “I still struggle now, and when I think about why I stopped eating, I can only think that it was because it was an aspect of my life I could control, even though I was doing myself further harm.”
She says abusive relationships can be hugely difficult to escape from, and feels police forces must do more to help people in their time of need.
“I have been in abusive relationships over the years and I am sure that is linked to the abuse I suffered at the hands of my father, as I have made bad choices over the men I have chosen to be with,” she said. “Abusive relationships are another situation which you have to find a way to break free from. I couldn’t find a way out for many years from my last relationship. I didn’t feel I could as I felt I had too much to lose.
“I’ve been disappointed with the police. I reported incidents relating to my partner where he had been abusive and controlling, but as time passed between the incidents, perhaps a few months, I was told they were not classed as continual and my complaints were effectively dismissed. It was almost like they were saying the responsibility was mine to leave, but it’s not always that simple. I had no money and nowhere to go.
“I found support from a Domestic Abuse service locally which was very helpful, and thankfully my last partner eventually left. It has all left me distrusting of men and I can’t see me finding the confidence to look to enter another relationship. I think it has all stemmed from what happened to me as a child.”
Supporting Sexual Abuse & Sexual Violence Awareness Week
Hudgell Solicitors is supporting Sexual Abuse & Sexual Violence Awareness Week as our work brings us into contact with many sexual abuse survivors in making claims to the CICA, and in challenging police forces for failing to investigate and take appropriate action to protect vulnerable people.
Litigation Executive Rebecca Pick, who handled the CICA claim on behalf of the woman, securing the five-figure settlement said: “This was a case where, due to the time that had elapsed, and other difficulties with regards to gathering evidence of witnesses to go before a jury at a criminal court, there was no prosecution pursued against our client’s father. One potential witness has given a statement, but sadly passed away soon afterwards, meaning their evidence could not be used.
“However, in cases which are considered by the CICA, damages can be awarded if it is felt there is enough evidence to suggest, on the balance of probabilities that the alleged offences happened. We were pleased to be able to secure a supportive decision from the CICA as we know that this formal recognition of what she went through has been of huge significance to her.
“We know that survivors of sexual abuse and violence can never truly put what has happened to them completely behind them. It is always there, but almost all tell us that they feel a huge relief, and some sense of closure, when they do speak out and seek legal redress. It is why we are so passionate about what we do, and why we fully support events like Sexual Abuse & Sexual Violence Awareness Week.”
More details on Sexual Abuse & Sexual Violence Awareness Week can be found here.
Whether you’ve been the victim of physical, or sexual abuse, you are entitled to receive compensation for your pain and suffering. We have a team of dedicated abuse claims specialists who are able to pursue claims to CICA.
Claims can be pursued even if those carrying out the abuse have since died.
CICA compensation claims can also be successful when the perpetrator has not been convicted, charged or even identified.
If you’ve been abused in any way and you’re unsure what to do, don’t suffer in silence any longer. The first step is to get in touch with our expert lawyers and discover how we can help you bring a CICA abuse claim.
Read more: Why it is never too late to make a criminal injury claim after a sexual assault
