Manchester Arena bombing survivor Sarah Nellist says it took three years for her to be able to start looking forward in life – and only after she’d accepted she would never be the same person again.
To this day, more than five years on, she still struggles to sleep, endures regular night terrors, avoids large crowds and events at all costs and is distrusting of people she doesn’t know.
She suffered permanent and significant loss of hearing in both ears and has required constant treatment from psychologists for Post Traumatic Distress Order (PTSD).
Sarah, of Llandudno, North Wales, is just one of more than 150 survivors who have benefited from a package of support from law firm Hudgell Solicitors, in partnership with rehabilitation specialists Proclaim Care, as they await the outcome of the long-running public inquiry before being able to progress any civil claim for compensation.
Despite all she has been through, Sarah says she often feels guilty for the help and support she has received, carrying with her for a long time a sense of guilt that she and her loved ones walked away from the attack with their lives, and limbs intact. She said:
You can’t help but think of the families who lost loved ones, and those who lost limbs and will never walk again. I often have a feeling of guilt, especially when we are being offered this support to help us rebuild our lives.
I’ve had great help and it has been crucial to getting me to where I am today – to a point where I am not great, but I am ok. I never thought I was somebody who would need treatment for PTSD, but you never expect to go through something like this in life.
I’ve reached a point now where I’ve accepted that I’ll never get my old self back, and I’m at ease with that.
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‘I had to run past people who badly needed help’
Sarah had been standing near the box office in the City Room foyer of Manchester Arena waiting to pick up her 17-year-old daughter Katie and six-year-old niece Kiera from the Ariana Grande concert on May 22, 2017, when terrorist Salman Abedi detonated the bomb which killed 22 people and left hundreds more seriously injured.
She stood just eight paces away from him and has since learned that his body hit her in the chest following the explosion, knocking her through the concert doors and leaving her with permanent scarring.
The next thing she knew she was in a scene of complete devastation – covered in blood, and not knowing if her loved ones were safe. She recalled:
It was just a case of being in total shock and panic. I remember suddenly being on the floor and I was covered in blood from head to toe, and there were body parts beside me, and on me.
I was trying to stand. I was in complete panic and shock. There was a loud fire alarm going off. One of the first things I saw was a young child who was not in a good way at all, and I remember thinking there and then that I just had to get to my daughter and niece and get them safe.
The heat and the noise were just unbelievable. I couldn’t really hear properly. I had to run past people who badly needed help as my parent’s instinct kicked in. I couldn’t think of others. I had to leave them. I often think of that, and I’ve been told that has impacted on me quite significantly psychologically.
Sarah eventually found her daughter and niece outside the venue, and they all returned home to North Wales that night in a state of complete shock. She said:
Immediately after the blast I called her phone and I could see on the screen that it had been answered, but I couldn’t hear her, so I told her to text me and let me know where she was so I could get to her.
Katie knew where I had been waiting, but she picked up Kiera and went another way, away from where the blast had happened, and I was so glad that she did. She then texted me to say they were standing by the school of music.
I remember there were hundreds of people running out of the arena in the chaos, and I was at the top of the steps outside when I heard my niece scream my name from the bottom of the steps. I called my sister to say I’d found them and she just said to get away from there as quickly as possible.
Lifelong physical and psychological injuries suffered
Escaping with their lives intact was far from the end, but the start of a whole new beginning trying to adapt to life as a survivor, carrying lifelong physical and emotional injuries.
Each night Sarah sleeps with her bedside lamp on and says she gets a maximum of five hours sof leep.
She has had to reduce her working hours as a child support worker, and rarely ventures far from home, choosing only to go out with her partner and children.
Like most survivors, Sarah has required specialist psychological support ever since the attack. Support first came through the Manchester Resilience Hub, which organised crucial psychological assessments and treatment, as well as tests for her hearing damage.
She has also been supported by Hudgell Solicitors, through a package of support in partnership with rehabilitation specialists Proclaim Care, under which she has undergone a programme of physiotherapy treatment to enhance her balance. She said:
The Manchester Resilience Hub were absolutely fantastic. All my appointments were arranged for me and I was sent to see a specialist psychologist in Teeside. I think that support saved my life and really helped me over time begin to accept who I am now.
For the first two years after the attack, I was always trying to find a way back to being my old self, but I’ve had to accept now that I’m no longer the sort of person who’ll go out on a weekend, or decide to do something on the spur of the moment.
The physiotherapy support has been brilliant too. I have tinnitus and I’ve struggled with my balance ever since the attack. I couldn’t balance on one leg at all but now I can balance for around 20 seconds. It has made my overall balance much better, and that has a big impact on how I feel.
Katie has needed support too and was affected by it all, but she has gone on to have a successful career in nursing, having passed her A-levels which she took a day after the attack. I am so proud of her.
Ongoing rehabilitation support provided through Hudgell Solicitors
Moving forward, compensation is to be sought for Sarah, as part of a group of more than 150 survivors being represented by specialists Hudgell Solicitors.
Compensation will be pursued ‘to reflect the lives lost, the life-changing physical and psychological injuries caused, to recover loss of earnings suffered by so many families and importantly to and cover the costs of much needed ongoing treatment, and future rehabilitation and care. Civil liberties solicitor Terry Wilcox, of Hudgell Solicitors, said:
Each and every person at the arena that night who suffered either physical or psychological injuries as a result of the bombing, or lost a loved one, deserves compensation for what happened.
This is not a case of considering who was the most badly injured or affected, but ensuring everyone who suffered is represented and gets the damages and future support they deserve.
